Stress of a Subsequent Baby

I am guessing unless you have had a loss, you probably think everything in our lives is just peachy. This week (20-21) is when I lost the twins, and it has been a struggle. My doctor’s appointment is on Wednesday, and it can not come soon enough (less than 24 hours). I am so thankful I have so many friends, who have had subsequent babies after a loss, to understand the enormous amount of stress there is because I would of thought I was going crazy!! It is like you are waiting for something to go wrong. I think Wed. will give me some relief, at least for a short amount of time. January can not come soon enough!!

Plus, I had to register for @#$% birthing classes by tomorrows appointment. I can’t wait to spend a weekend with naïve happy pregnant people. I am sure I will be the only one crying at these classes.

Days Tick By
Dreaming for what could be with her
Wishing for what we lost with them
Days Tick By
Slowly the tears dry up
Smiles still a struggle
Days Tick By
People move on
I imagine the past
Days Tick By
Memories never fade
Insincere people do
Days Tick By
Healing slowly
But changed forever
Days Tick By
Longing for understanding
Expecting disappointment
Days Tick By
Wintertime snow now freezes my soul
Only she can warm my spirit again
Days Tick By
A parent for a moment in time
Wanting a lifetime instead
Days Tick By
One day at a time for her
Missing them each day more
Days Tick By
Yearning for that fairy tale
Realizing they don’t come true
Days Tick By
Pain still fills my heart
Happiness creeping in again
Days Tick By
They will always be our first born
She is our rainbow miracle
Days Tick By
Stress in every breath
Searching for tranquility and optimism
Days Tick By
Waiting for the worst
Secretly hoping for the best
Days Tick By
We still hurt, grieve, and remember them
We pray, hope and dream for her