Surviving another milestone

Only 1 more hour of this crappy day, and I can say I survived Mother’s Day. Can I tell you how hard it is to deal with Mother’s Day when your children are dead? Horrible. My heart aches, my arms ache to hold them.

I can't believe it was a year ago that I had my mom, grandma, sister-in-laws, and Justin's mom and grandma to my house for a brunch. I was so happy cooking for all these amazing women and spending the day with them. Such a different day and different person I am in 2008.

I just wanted to stay in bed all day and look at their pictures, but that did not happen. We went to church this morning (only because we were being welcomed as new members). I barely held it together for the service, but some really nice bible study ladies found me after the service and gave me some “hang in there” hugs. One older lady said she knew the sadness I was feeling because she had lost a child many years ago too. She told me, "It will get better with time, but you will always remember with tears and smiles during these holidays." We went to the early service to avoid more moms and kids. I signed up to provide flowers for the altar on November 30, in honor of the twins one year angel day (12-2-07), my Mother's day present to the twins. We then stopped at Safeway to get some flowers, and took them down to the angel statue. (FYI . . the walls with the twin’s tile will be up in the 6 weeks—YEA!!!) Then we came home and worked in the yard planting flowers, herbs, garden stuff etc.. . About mid afternoon I was exhausted emotionally and physically so we took a nice nap, then got up and finished working outside. Tried to stay busy all day, and not be in the house. We even scrubbed the grill clean. Despite my grumpiness, I hope all of you mother’s had a good day, and are grateful for your children on this day. I hope and pray someday I will get to celebrate Mother’s Day with my children next to me, because that is all I ever wanted is to be a mom.

Well only 50 minutes left of another milestone I have survived, next milestone Father’s Day. . . . On to surf the internet for awhile.