Due Date. . . my sweet little twins

Well today is JL’s due date. I know it is just a date and they would have been born earlier than that being twins, but today is like a dagger in my heart. I had two blogs I was going to post today, the first one was all my angry feelings I had journaled since JL and JL passing. I kept a list of all my “bad feelings” since the hospital. Well it was very blunt and in your face, in all honesty it was pretty nasty. Anyway I am sitting in church this morning(not a single word about that) listening to the sermon on “forgiveness” and decided no matter how much I want people to understand what we are going through, for the most part they can’t. Anyway I decided I need to work on forgiving those people who don’t get “it”, myself and God for what happened. So I decided not to post the bad one, but to post the second nice one. Thank you all for remembering us today, it helped us get through another tough day. The calls, e-mails, cards etc. . . were very thoughtful. We received a nice surprise today from some special friends. Look at the http://www.rowantreefoundation.org/ page and click on the memorial page, and look for JL and JL McDaniel (they are alphabetical).

My sweet little twins,

Oh how I wish I was holding you in my arms today. Your dad and I were the happiest in our life seeing you each week on ultrasound. Your dad saw you when you were only 4 cells. Little princess, you were so much like you dad, - calm in the womb, you had his nose, lips and jaw line. You were so strong like him, you endured the 24 hour birth to say hello, goodbye in a short moment. I will always remember seeing you move after you were born. It broke me heart, not being able to save you. Our little boy, you were so much like me. . my circus show every late night inside me. You had my chin, nose and lips. I look at your pictures with tears and smiles, and wonder what you would have looked like today. I am happy you are both together. I want you to know how sorry I am this happened to you, we wanted you so bad. I am thankful for the time we spent in the hospital together, I wish I had been stronger and spent more time with you like your dad did. Even though the days pass and seem to get better, I promise you, that you will always be remembered, loved and a part of our family and celebrations.

I wish our family and friends had the chance to hold you like we did. I dreamed of the day we could introduce you to them. I know they would have loved you too. I am so happy most of them have supported us and stuck by us, when we have not made it that easy. It just shows how much you were loved, not just be us.

So today we mourn you not being in our arms, but also celebrate and be thankful for the gifts you gave us in your short time with us. Your dad and I have some special plans to honor you today. My precious twins, you will be in our hearts always, but especially today.

We love you.

Mom and Dad